Tionna Says: Don’t fish for compliments

    Hi Tionna,

    A few months ago, I shaved all my hair off in my quest to go natural. At the time, my then-boyfriend and I were taking a break. Therefore, he had not seen my new ‘do. When he finally did see me again, he complimented me, but he kept comparing me to the rapper Eve.

    Nothing against Eve, but I don’t think she is the most attractive person.  When I commented that hopefully I looked better than Eve, he remained silent. Even when I said it again, he was stayed quiet.

    However, when we walked in Wal-Mart, he was very vocal as I eyed a treadmill on sale. "You should get that," he told me. Mind you, I had been telling him I wanted to get back in the shape I was in while in the military. It’s just the fact that a few minutes back when I wanted him to speak, he said nothing!

    In my anger, I told him that it was ok and that I would find someone who found me attractive.  He got upset and defensive but never apologized. He only claimed he did not hear me (which is a lie).

    Some of my friends said that I made too much of a big deal out of it…am I wrong for wanting a man to think I am beautiful and to be truthful to me?

    Toya
     

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    Tionna Says:

    I find your honesty to be very refreshing. There are two sides of your dilemma and that is the good side and the bad side.

    The good side of your guy is that he is being honest with you. He thinks your hair cut reminds you of Eve, but his silence shows you that he doesn’t think you are more attractive than her. He also think that you should buy a treadmill. There is nothing wrong with that because you did, in fact, tell him that you needed a treadmill. It’s okay, it’s his opinion.

    The bad side of your issue with your man is that his honesty makes you feel uncomfortable and as if he doesn’t have any regard to your feelings.

    In a situation like this you have to ask yourself, "Do I look better than Eve?" And also do you need to buy a treadmill? If you feel you look better than her, you look better than her. The only opinion of you that matters is the opinion you have of yourself.

    This is one of those times where you have to sit down with your guy and let him know how you feel. Remember, communication is key. Tell him that he makes you feel funny and as if he is not attracted to you. If you talk to him and he continues to do the same thing, then that is not the man for you. It’s okay, in life you win some and you lose some. As long as you are happy with your decision at the end of the day.

    Now, I am not going to let you off the hook that easy. I want you to understand that in any relationship, a man is not going to always spare your feelings. You don’t want a man to lie to you. You sound young, so I will also let you know that you should never, ever, fish for compliments because sometimes you will end up getting your feelings hurt. You said you looked better than Eve in hopes that he would agree with you and make you feel good. It is not his responsibility to make you feel good about yourself, it is yours. So don’t go looking for praise and then get upset when you don’t get it. You understand?

    Lastly, if this relationship does not work out for you, it’s okay. There are plenty of other guys out there who are waiting to show you the love and admiration that you deserve. I hope it all works out for you!

    Signing off,
    Tionna Smalls

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    Tionna Smalls is an TV Personality ("What Chilli Wants") from Brooklyn, New York, and she is the author of Girl, Get Your Mind Right! Buy Tionna’s new book Men Love Abuse on Nook or Kindle, or at Amazon.com. She is also an owner of Loveys accessories boutique in New York.

     

    Have you got a question about your love life for Tionna Smalls? Send your dilemma to TionnaSays@s2smail.com and see what she’s got to say about your situation!

     

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