Are brothers spoiled by their mamas?

    If you have ever been a single woman dating in a big city, it’s likely that you’ve experienced the awkwardness that results when you’re on a date, the check comes, and the guy who asked you out seems not to notice it.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah. Many of today’s women make salaries comparable to men and can probably pick up a tab for a meal now and again, but it’s still uncomfortable when a man wants to reverse—or otherwise alter—traditional gender roles and fails to pay for the date, open doors, initiate physical contact, etc…

    Who’s pursuing whom here?

    Maybe that way of thinking is antiquated, but it’s not cheap for a woman to commute to work every day, maintain a home and sometimes a child by herself, and still stay fly enough to attract the attention of an eligible guy—given the crazy men-to-women ratios in cities these days. You mean, she’s gotta shell out bucks to go on a date, too?

    There was a time when the thought of women paying for dates would be insulting to men who were often taught to be the breadwinners. Things have changed, not the least of which are households in which men are raised by single women who do all the providing, bill paying and disciplining. Could this have something to do with how the dating rules have changed?

    Sister 2 Sister asked self-proclaimed relationship expert and former “Real Housewives of Atlanta” personality Dr. Tiy-E Muhammad to offer his opinion.

    “Women who are raising our young men as single mothers must realize that she has to instill in him the same traits that she finds desirable in a man she would date. You can’t encourage your male child to be lazy by doing everything for him, and then complain about a man in your life whose lackadaisical and non-productive livelihood causes you to become angry and eventually disengaged,” he said.

    However, Dr. Tiy-E doesn’t point all 10 of his fingers at hardworking single moms who are doing the best they can.

    “A small percentage of the male’s unwillingness to step up to the plate deals with the roles their mothers played in their lives. The bigger percentage looks at the absence of a prominent male figure in their lives,” said Dr. Tiy-E, who examines this more in his book, P.L.A.Y.E.R.S.’s Circle (Pleasing Ladies All Year Excellence Required).

    “I also blame my generation of man, who didn’t take the time out to properly nourish and educate our younger brothers on how to ‘obtain and maintain’ a relationship,” he said.

    So, what’s a woman to do when a man she’s interested in is seemingly void of all chivalry? Dr. Tiy-E offers no advice, but if there are more men who share his point of view on the subject, there may be hope.

    “It’s a compliment to his manhood when he extends his courtesy to assist and aid a woman,” he wrote in his book. “It’s a man’s nature to honor, respect and protect a woman, but when he’s been conditioned by a society that views women as chattel and not his closest connection to God, he disrespects and dishonors the very essence of who he is.”


    Follow Dr. Tiy-E @drtiye and at

    —Tracy L. Scott



    What do you think? Do some women spoil their sons to the point that, as men, they’re no longer willing to provide for women, or does the lack of chivalry in many of today’s "modern men" have nothing to do with their mothers and more to do with society? Leave your comments.

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