How do men really feel about abstinent women?

    Whether it’s for spiritual purity, just to keep the wolves at bay, a natural fear of STDs or other reasons, sometimes a woman just decides it’s time for a little abstinence.

    While women are often told that a good man will wait, more seem to be expecting relationships to get physical quickly, oftentimes without any sort of commitment.

    After all, it is the 21st century. Many would argue that chastity is an antiquated notion. The women’s liberation movement allowed ladies to be more sexually free. Shows like “Sex and the City” offered portrayals of take-charge women who were empowered and not the least bit timid about sex.

    Not to be cliché and blame the music industry, but images of scantily clad women throwing themselves at men in music videos, doesn’t help.

    So, while it’s perfectly reasonable for a woman to request a man wait longer than the obligatory 30 days, is it realistic for her to expect him to jump on board?

    To get a man’s opinion, Sister 2 Sister asked reality star and self-proclaimed relationship expert Dr. Tiy-E Muhammad what men say about abstinence when they’re in the locker room and out of the earshot of women.

    While he respects women who choose to be abstinent, he questions their motives.

    He said, “In the 21st century the word abstinence has become more popular than ever before, but it has gained its popularity for all the wrong reasons.”

    “Women are using the word as a man eliminator instead of spiritual cleansing purposes. When one abstains, this should be the time when you and your Maker become closer than ever before. Not the time for you to shout it out to every man walking past, as a way of showing off your new toy. Abstaining is synonymous with fasting. This journey is between you and God. This is not a game,” said Tiy-E.

    Tiy-E didn’t just take issue with women using abstinence as a way to weed out the dogs, he also criticized women who first claim to be waiting for marriage, but really just seem to be waiting for Mr. Right.

    “Interesting enough, women are holding on to this word until the right man comes along and then it’s bye-bye to the virtuous soul. So why not say, ‘I’m waiting for Mr. Right?’ End of discussion. Women aren’t holding out until they get married, and men know it. The majority relinquishes her treasures once she believes he is the one. If she does hold out until marriage I applaud her, but she’s not in the majority.”

    Does a woman’s celibacy turn men off? Dr. Tiy-E addresses that next week.

    —Tracy L. Scott


    Follow Dr. Tiy-E @drtiye and at


    What do you think? Are you abstinent or do you know any abstinent women? Are they practicing celibacy for spiritual reasons or just trying to weed out the dogs? Is one reason legitimate and the other not? Leave your comments below.


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