Does abstinence turn men on?

    If you’re a woman who’s practicing abstinence, it might be best to withhold that fact from romantic suitors until things become more serious, for two very different reasons.

    Although many women might assume that telling a man that she’s celibate will send him packing, that’s not necessarily the case, which could defeat the purpose of sharing that information.

    “Most men aren’t turned away by the word but instead turned on, because now it becomes the thrill of the hunt. And once he conquers his conquest he usually becomes disinterested and moves on,” said self-proclaimed relationship expert, Tiy-E Muhammad, who disputes what Steve Harvey advises in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

    “You should never place a six-month, etc. timeline on when you’ll have sex with a guy, because you’ll lose in the end, in most cases. Allow your intuition to be your guide when deciding to allow a man into your ‘sacred home.’ He won’t appreciate it, if you don’t,” said Tiy-E.

    However, that’s not the only reason Tiy-E suggests women not divulge their abstinence too soon. Tiy-E said a lot of times it’s just awkward and is the result of the assumption that he is ready to hop in the sack. That’s not always the case.

    “Most of the time the man never asks for sex. The woman immediately brings it up as a sort of force field. Example: A man meets a woman and they go out on their first date. After the date she decides to go to his place for a drink and assures him that she’s only coming by for a drink. And then she says, ‘I’m letting you know before we get to your house, I’m practicing abstinence.’ He replies, ‘Good for you,’ and proceeds with the date,” said Tiy-E.

    Regardless of when abstinent women choose to share their decision to practice celibacy, Tiy-E said it is good to discuss it before things start to escalate toward sex.

    “Don’t put yourself in compromising situations and don’t go to a man’s house and get in his bed, lay across his couch with your revealing clothing, kiss and grind, etc… and thinks that it’s okay. You become labeled as a ‘tease’ and that’s a very dangerous place to be. Most men don’t care about whether the sex is good. We’re just concerned about the climax and waiting is okay with us,” he said.


    Follow Dr. Tiy-E @drtiye and at

    —Tracy L. Scott


    Do you agree with Tiy-E’s advice? When do you think a woman should tell a man that she’s celibate? Leave your comments below.


    Here’s more:
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    Can open relationships work?
    Are brothers spoiled by their mamas?

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