Must he love you more for it to work?

    There’s this interesting notion that in order for a man to be a faithful, he needs to love his woman a little bit more than she loves him. I’m here to tell you that it’s complete and total bull$h!t. The ONLY way a man is going to be faithful to his woman is if he chooses to be.

    Read that and hear it good.

    Now, the reason that a woman needs a man who loves her a little more than she loves him is so that she can be the recipient of the worship that she may want. Granted, this isn’t all women, but I know quite a few women personally who want a man to completely dote on her and shower her with gifts and affection because that’s what they deserve…to be cherished as a rare gem.

    Okay. Alright.

    I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine. She’s very attractive, sweet, nice and full of life. She’s the kind of woman who’s always smiling. She’s also a hopeless romantic. Awww.

    In this conversation, she was lamenting the fact that men never seem to love her the way she wants to be loved. You know the tale: none of her dudes leave notes on the bathroom mirror, or buy her flowers…every day. Or want to die with her in their arms after reading a page of a book intended to remind her of what life used to be like; that real Notebook stuff. That’s what she wants.

    Anyway, my response to her was that she needed to find a man who felt lucky to have her in order for him to worship the ground she walks on. To that she was a bit offended. Not about wanting a man to worship her—that part was accurate—but at the idea that there would be ANY man who didn’t feel lucky to have her. Apparently she never got the memo that the sun didn’t rise and set on her derriere. That is a reality check that bounces a lot of chicks’ banks.

    I don’t know when things changed—or if they actually ever did change and romantic comedies ruined the dating game—but men who are able to “book” women are probably less inclined to feel a need to cater to a woman’s every whim. And it has nothing to do with the chase. It’s just that none of these women bring out the best of him. Or make him want to change who he is or attempt to lock her down. Every woman he comes across gives him some piece of this larger ideal that he’s holding out for. He feels like top dog and therefore wants perfection, or at least whatever that looks like to him, to match what he feels he brings to the table (and what women keep showing him that he brings to the table via being overly accessible and available to him). You have no time to fawn over any woman when you keep getting good-enough-but-not-great options.

    Where’s the motivation? Where’s the inspiration? He keeps running into quality but nobody that blows his mind. So why should he trip over himself for a woman that’s good but not special. In essence, he keeps coming across women that he’s okay losing. Sure his pride would take a hit, but that’s about it. There’s no sense of “loss” if he doesn’t win her heart. And it makes sense. Until he meets “her.”

    Who is she? She’s the woman in every romantic comedy who turns a man’s life upside down. We’re all familiar with her because our handsome protagonist is always willing to do whatever it takes to get her attention. He fumbles his speech. He trips walking down stairs. His cool is taken off because she heats him like a furnace. And she absolutely exists in real life. And that’s who all of us men are looking for. Truthfully, we all want to be in love too. Love seems great. But just like women, we’re looking to be captivated too.

    On the flipside, a woman who loves her man more than he loves her is likely going to spend a lot of time unhappy. Of course, that’s only if he’s not the type of man to appreciate what he has because of access. Think professional athletes. Very rarely are you going to have a situation where a totally average Joe is going to be in a position where a woman feels like she’s lucky. And honestly, that’s the winning combo. Actually, the winning combination is one where none of this nonsense matters because both people love and respect one another enough to appreciate each other. But we’re humans and we love sports.

    So let the games begin.






    Panama Jackson is a co-founder of the award-winning site,, and co-author of Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime. He likes Kool-Aid, bad Black movies and really long book titles.

    If you had to choose between a man who loved you more than you loved him, or a man who you loved more, which would you choose? Which scenario works better? Leave your comments below.

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