He’s not all you’d like him to be, but maybe he can be. Is it smart to date a guy based on his potential?
It’s no secret that the dating game struggle is real and that the last thing we need is more people self-certifying themselves as relationship experts and telling women what we should and shouldn’t look for in a partner. Thus, I want to make it clear that by no means am I here to cosign someone’s advice as the ultimate rule we women must follow when dating; but rather I am pondering a question that has been floated around for some time now, but answered by few.
Yesterday, one of the most popular urban radio morning shows, “The Breakfast Club,” did an interview with VH1’s “Gossip Game” castmate and editor in chief of The Source magazine Kim Osorio and her husband Kino. After discussing Kino’s desire for his wife to spice things up in the bedroom and hinting at possibly publishing a relationship book, as if we need another one, Kino ended the interview crediting his wife for helping him to grow out of some of his immature ways, saying, “Any good woman stands by a man that she sees a vision in and she helps him become a man.”
Ignoring the latter part of Kino’s advice about a woman helping a “man” become a man, which is a topic of discussion for another day, Kino’s point of sticking with someone that you see a vision and potential in is something that has been brought to the forefront of conversations before.
When promoting his 2010 book, The Conversation, New York Times bestselling author and actor Hill Harper made it clear that we should date someone for their potential and not for what we see them having right now because over time people change and evolve and it’s important to have someone that you can grow with.
Challenging the notion of dating someone for their potential is certified life and relationship coach Paul C. Brunson, who states in his “Modern Day Matchmaker” blog that it’s important not to let the idea of potential blind you from seeing the reality of who someone really is.
So the question still remains: Should women date someone for their potential rather than for what they have right now?