In case you missed the season premiere of “True Blood,” we're giving you a small dose of the show.

Season two of “True Blood” started right where season one left off: Sookie Stackhouse and Tara Thornton screaming their heads off after finding a dead body in the back of a car outside Merlotte’s bar and grill.

For months, all any of the viewers saw was just a foot with red toenails hanging limply out of the back door.  Because the victim was Black that narrowed the mystery person down to one of a few characters, and there was ample speculation that the writers had killed off Tara’s cousin, Lafayette Reynolds. The last time we saw homeboy he was being snatched up by some unseen monster.  (The fate he’s befallen isn’t really a whole lot better—but more on that later.)

However, audiences found out about five minutes into the season premiere that the unfortunate victim was actually modern-day voodoo priestess/fraud Miss Jeannette. Upon further inspection, it was discovered that the poor woman had gotten her heart ripped out of her chest. Brutal!

Tara, who was exorcised by Miss Jeannette and later found out she was a fake, originally denied ever having met the victim when questioned by police. She later fessed about her ties to Miss Jeannette, which leads to a long night of questioning.

And, while Tara was in the hot seat, Sookie (the town mind reader) went to go see her undead beau Bill Compton, the resident vampire of Bon Temps, Louisianna. It seems Sookie was bound for a night of unpleasant surprises because upon arrival at Bill’s place, she found out that her man had made a new creature of the night (and she’s a 17-year-old brat!). Oh, and did we mention that the new girl came out in nothing but a towel?! Not exactly the best of introductions.

While she’s getting over that shock, let’s check in with Lafayette, shall we? It turns out that he was dragged off to some dank, horror-moviesque basement where he’s been shackled up to a group of other hostages.

As if things couldn't get any worse, one of his fellow prisoners is a guy he beat up last season for making fun of his sexuality. Lafayette might wear makeup and walk with a switch, but he ain’t nobody’s…punching bag. Anyway, now that they’re both locked up in some dungeon straight out of Saw, guess who wants to be friends and share secrets?  Hmm...

Meanwhile, Jason Stackhouse (Sookie’s brother) has seen the light and joined The Fellowship of the Sun. We don’t know much about this church other than they’re probably building a holy army to exterminate the world’s vampires. Religious zealots + weapons = a bad idea.

Jason generally seems like a nice guy, but he’s just not the brightest bulb; church leaders use that to their advantage and bamboozle him into forking over $1,200 for a leadership retreat (we’re pretty sure that’s code for boot camp).